Hello and welcome to Three Paragraph Thursdays: short prose told in three paragraphs. To start us off is the brilliant Ben Margalith's three paragraph version of one of the most famous con story of all time: the Story of Job. Enjoy the rest of your week!
Ok, so: God is omnipotent and has already created the world. One day the devil comes to him and says, “Hey God! I bet you that if you take your most loyal and faithful servant and shit on him (like hardcore) then he’d hate you”. God, a well known gambling addict, couldn’t resist taking the bet. He quickly replies “Maybe he will and maybe he won’t, but fuck it you’re on! So who’s the mark?”
So God starts to mess with Job, his- like “number one fan or something”. He kills Jobs wife and disfigures Job’s body so much that the mere sight of him make people’s faces explode or something. Sometime post-wife dying, but preface exploding, Job looks to the heavens and says “God, I don’t know why this is happening, but my faith is strong. I love you man!” The Devil just about shits himself (half in anger and half because of little known incontinence problem). He convinces God that Job needs to suffer some more. So God, on the sly, murders Job’s kids and destroys his business. But, instead of crying and cursing, Job just gets like a big ol’ boner for the child murdering God of Abraham.
God sees Job’s faith and basically gives him an updated version of his old life complete with a Jet-Pack and Jacuzzi. God tells the Devil, “There, see! I think I proved my point quite well”. The Devil answers “I guess so… uh… what point was that again?” God shrugs and replies “No clue, but want to huff some glue”. We learned later that God had suffered a stroke sometime after the parting of the red sea. True Story.
The End
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