Between ground breaking dramas like BBC's Skins and ground breaking last names like Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Europe has never been more newsworthy than right now. Ever.
But not every European country is making headlines these days. And today's Top Five Friday is going to help. After a close study of how the celebrity European countries have made a public name for themselves, here are ways to boost the popularity of five not-so-popular European countries.
1.Ukraine
Though Ukraine is by no means a mystery to anyone who has seen a map, the history-rich country lacks an image. We suggest taking a nod from France and creating a large symbol of Ukraine's ingenuity to be built in the middle of Kyiv. But why stop at just being inspired by the Eiffel Tower? Why not celebrate Ukraine's industrial background by BEATING France's phallic wonder by building a crane that stretches 325 meters into the air, glaring down at the puny franco-fail with its extra meter. This crane would be referred to as "the Ukraine Crane". We acknowledge that the Ukraine Crane probably wouldn't translate well into the native language but you gotta make money to make money.
2.Slovenia
During the Roman empire, Slovenia was the place to be. But time has taken its toll and you'll be hard pressed to not refer to the seven stanzas of Zdravljica in the center of Ljubljana as "so yesterday". To leap into the modern era, Slovenia should pull England's card and build a towering tourist attraction. And they should slap their name on it, like London did with the London Eye. Taking from this model, Slovenia should construct a vista-inspired wheel in the Julian Alps that looks over the gorgeous valleys. This wheel would be deemed the Slovenia Eye or the "Slo-Eye". It might be a bit garish to ruin the natural beauty with a hunk of rotating metal but you have to crack a couple of eggs to make lemonade.
3.Luxembourg
Luxembourg's popularity can be increased by 500% overnight by taking the Irish route: associate your culture with an element of good virtue, such as good luck. But to do one better than Ireland, Luxembourg should sell itself as a large aphrodisiac. If the Grand Duke institutes this campaign, not only would visitors rush to receive the good will of the land but local stores will flourish with business if they sell shirts that have saying such as "I got Luxy in Luxembourg" or "If I'm Okay in Bed, I'm a Lord in Luxembourg". The country could also create their own Blarney stone for tourists to smooch but the shape would be more adult than just a rock. Yes, it is not exactly kid friendly but the early worm gets all the lux.
4.Liechtenstein
As far as the public is concerned, Germany has spent the last few years in the Black Forest but recently, the proud country has pounced back into the limelight by warning the citizens not to use Internet Explorer due to "critical" flaws that allow for 'cyber hacking'. Instead of following in the footsteps of Germany, Liechtenstein should actually
create a critically flawed internet browser that allows Liechtenstein to gain full access to users' information. And when users try to uninstall this program, the screen will go black and a bossy European voice will boom "Quit being such a little Liecht." Sure, it's a tad evil but a bird in the hand is worth not counting your chickens.
5.Herzegovina
And finally, Herzegovina.
If we said "Bosnia", you'd probably reply with "oh, that chap that hangs out with Croatia and Montenegro?" But if we asked about "Herzegovina", you'd most likely ask "who?!" Who... now that sounds familiar, doesn't it? In fact, Herzegovina should sponsor a science fiction action hero called 'Doctor Herzegovina', South-East Europe's version of the BBC icon Doctor Who. Doctor Herzegovina can embody everything to do with the Time Lord including a mysterious history and a name hidden from the public. Also Bosnia can be Doctor Herzegovina's companion. Kids will rush to toy stores to get their Doctor Herzegovina action figures and trading cards and might even dress up as Doctor Herzegovina with a trench coat, black spectacles, Converse shoes and long rolling green hills. And plus, at the end of season three of Doctor Herzegovina, they can even have the return of the Mostar, Doctor Herzegovina's arch nemesis and also unofficial capital of the country. Herzegovina is bound to be an absolute cult hit as countries go and us in the U.S. just can't wait till Herzegovina makes its way to our PBS. It is a bit hackey to base an entire country off of one television show but a stitch in time saves pennies in spades for a rainy day with a silver spoon in its mouth and Bob's your uncle.
Ugh, now it's time to get some sleep.
Have a great weekend!
