April Fools

Sorry about that last post. Speaking of last posts, this will actually be the last post of DailyTurnONBlog. Due to time constraints, we simply cannot continue to publish this blog. It has been an incredible honor and we really appreciate everyone's support. We truly hope everyone continues to produce creative projects, from short stories to video projects and feel free to look back on previous posts with pride and joy.

We regret having to conclude this blog on such a lackluster note but difficult choices had to be made and we would rather enjoy what we have worked together to produce rather than risk the quality of future posts.

We love you all and please continue to create.

- DailyTurnONBlog

WOOOO!!!! WELCOME BACK!!!!

HEY EVERYBODY!!!! DAILY TURNON BLOG IS BACK!!!

We're back, baby, and we're psyched to get started on some awesome segments. We took a few weeks off to build up some creative projects and, as you can see by glancing to the right, we've made a few changes to the schedule.

What Lead To That Wednesdays- A perfect chance for our readers to interact with the blog: we will post up a quick video clip and you tell us what event, dialogue or scenario lead up to the clip. It'll be fun, we promise.

Top Five Friday- So we changed Top Five Fridays into a video blog so you can watch the list instead of having to scan it with your eyes!

Saturday Sound- No more of that musical guitar bullsh*t, SS is going to be interviews and audio book readings from now on. Be prepared.

This renovated schedule is due to change by next month. We have A LOT of exciting stuff planned, including a lot more video projects.

And if YOU ever want to post anything, send an email to Omar at Omar.Najam@gmail.com and your creativity will be posted up as soon as possible. Unless your name is Evan, in which case, we're sorry because we told you that your comic would go up but... it never actually got posted and... we promise it'll be up in less than a fortnight.

All the cool funness starts again tomorrow so enjoy your April foolishness and we'll see you all tomorrow!

And on a very vulnerable note, thank you for reading the blog, it means a lot to us. Enjoy.

(an early) Saturday Sound: Arbor Guitar Tracks

This Saturday Sound, we're going to help soothe over your weekend with a nice little jam done with electric and acoustic guitars for the improvability. EAP Arbor video. Enjoy.

Improvability Arbor

Top Five Friday: Weapons 2.0

Hello, everyone, we hope your week went well! As North Korea has announced an artillery test along the coast and Tea Partiers have chuckled at a speaker's jab about hanging a current senator, the world is becoming a very scary place.

So we thought we'd make it less scary by replacing popular weapons with effective but not as violent counterparts.

Enjoy the Top 5 Friday

1.replace GUNS with... DANDELIONS



Who doesn't love shooting off a gun into the clear and peaceful morning? But this innocent activity is sullied by the violent past of gunfare. So we suggest that instead of popping a few caps after a stressful day, blow on a dandelion. Not only do you get the same "skeet-driven" rapid fire excitement, you're also teaching your kids the importance of reforestation. Plus, if you believe in faeries, you can make a wish every time you shoot off a few. Ever made a wish on a bullet? Didn't think so.

2.replace SWORDS with... LICORICE



Love stabbing at people with a rapier but hate the messy cleanup and legal ramifications? So do we. Instead of slashing at the problem with meticulous precision, we suggest filling your sheaths with licorice. Not only will you not break the skin of your opponent or unsuspecting victim, but you have a tasty treat that you both can share afterward.

3.replace GRENADES with... BISCUITS



Biscuits. Crumbly, crumbly biscuits. Not only do biscuits capture the best parts of grenades without the expense, biscuits surpass grenades in factors ranging from annoyance to difficulty when it comes time to clean up. What's more dangerous: a grenade in a car or an open box of biscuits. We'll let you be the judges.

Plus, who says "it's grenade time" or "it's time for grenade". No one. You'd sound like an idiot.

4.replace KNIVES with... NARWHALS



We know what you're thinking: "this whole blog post has been a joke about taking dangerous things and replacing them with less dangerous things. But narwhals are equally as dangerous, if not more". Well, loud thinker, we're being a bit sneaky with this one because yes, on average more people are killed due to narwhal related attacks than knife incidents BUT if we replaced all the knives in the world with narwhals, including kitchen knives and throwing knives, think about how marine life would become a major concern for the populous. You've heard the arguments before. "Why should we help the fishes, it's not like they help us". Well if we relied on marine life as much as we rely on knives, we bet that everyone, even the most doucebaggy of the teabaggers, would attend beach clean-ups.

5.replace BOMBS with... PILLOWS



This is by far the most obvious: replace bombs with pillows. But the positive-thinking-shrapnel isn't just limited to the lack of real-shrapnel. If all air bombers dropped pillows, the ground of war fields would be littered with pillows. And who has ever been able to have more than a pillow fight when the ground is carpeted in fluffy happiness.

Or ice cream. We wouldn't mind dropping ice cream.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

(a late) Three Paragraph Stories: Be Careful What You Wish For

John, Lucy and Morgan sat, bored might I add, on a lonely park bench in front of the local drug store, the only one, might I add, in the lonely, boring town of Passington, Iowa. Despite their adolescent hopes, nothing exciting ever happened to John, Lucy and Morgan until one day when the threesome approached the all too familiar bench and found a penny. And this penny, might I add, had Lincoln's glittering copper teeth face up.
Passington's large clock tower chimed 12 noon just as Lucy chuckled and announced that she was going to make a wish. She held her eyes closed and looked up to the sky. Well, it was more of the overhang that hovered above the drug store bench but none the less, Lucy pictured the white, fluffy clouds and wished aloud to be remembered in the Passington history books. Just then, a mysterious tub of ice cream fell upon Lucy's head as the photographer from the local newspaper was passing by. John laughed at Lucy and plucked the penny out of her hand. He proclaimed that his wish would be substantially more practical and he wished for a sum of money to just fall into his lap and for him to never worry about anyone taking it away from him. Suddenly, a sack with five hundred one dollar coins fell through the overhang onto John's lap. Later in life, Lucy's picture would be reprinted as a campaign for the drug store's new ice cream flavor, Lucy In The Sky with Almonds and John would find out that the incident with the coin bag would leave him sterile.
Morgan swelled with fear and, not wanting to offend the powers that governed the penny, Morgan wished for something safe. Instead of hoping for immortal fame or money, Morgan wished to be able to grant the wishes of others. Morgan's tightly clenched eyes opened to the sight of the drug store roof with a mysterious tub of ice cream and a hefty sack of coins sitting on the brick rim. Passington's large clock tower chimed 12 noon and Morgan could hear the echo of Lucy's aspiration for domestic fame. Morgan shrugged. "Be careful what you wish for."

Poetic Waste Wednesday: My Curdling Blood

My Curdling Blood

My curdling blood
At the sight of his face
My veins pump with motive
I'm stung by disgrace

My curdling blood
With him and his ilk
My curdling blood
Oh, wait, no, that's my milk!

Terribly Told Tuesdays: Menial Task

Monday Movies: A Haunting of Ex-Girlfriends

Politics, the human condition and a discourse on semiotics: not what you’d expect from a Mathew McConaughey film. But then again, when dealing with ghost films, what you expect is never what you get.

Loveable beach-bum Mathew McConaughey plays loveable suburban-bum Mathew McConahow, a 30-something bachelor who is still reeling from the loss of first (and up until now, only) girlfriend, Janet Walkin (played by Megan Fox). The film begins with McConahow and Walkin’s last date. They eat a nice Thai dinner, go out dancing, and go on a carriage ride. But the sweet moment turns sour when Walkin collapses into a vomit-induced coma. McConahow wakes in a cold sweat and we see how truly haunted our protagonist is.

“I wanted McConahow to be really traumatized, he is my allegory for our traumatized nation,” admits writer/director Steven Soderbergh as he sipped on his macchiato. “McConahow is our voice, one that howls in the night.”

McConahow deals with his loss by visiting Dr Lisa Madow (played by Jennifer Garner), together they work through the trauma and slowly form a romantic bond. Just as McConahow has found love again, we see Walkin’s ghastly image appear in a background mirror.

“It’s an argument against teleological history, you know,” chuckles McConaughey, also billed as executive producer. “Most horror films are cheap thrills, but we wanted to shake the foundation of American education. Janet represents a crisis, a human ‘death instinct’ if we’re going to go from the Freud angle, and she doesn’t appear in one point in history. She reoccurs, she is a continuous struggle. It’s pretty chill.”

Walkin doesn’t just return to peer menacingly, she is out to exact vengeance. After the usual floating vases and broken windows, Walkin reaches out from the mist and posses the body of Dr. Madow.

“It’s all about Lacan,” laughs Garner. “It’s about discovering past trauma and limit in a ‘big’ other, the other that Lacan puts a bar through. Lacan ascribes the bar through the other because for him it does not exist. We are not dealing with syntax and semiotics so instead of placing a bar through the other, we put a ghost in her.”

McConahow must make the ultimate decision that every love-struck bachelor must make at some point: keep the animated body of their lover despite his ex-girlfriend feeding off of her soul or banish both body and souls into the hellmouth.

“You think you know what’s coming but you don’t,” smiles Fox. “It’s very Foucault, in the sense of sentence syntax. You don’t know what the sentence’s context and content is until you get to the end. What’s the argument, what’s the meaning? You read ‘This Is Not A Pipe’? Well, this is not a horror film.”

A Haunting of Ex-Girlfriends is to premier in art-house cinemas around the nation in July.

“I’d d some reading before you see this film”, again chuckles McConaughey, “it’s gonna blow your dome.”

Sunday Funnies: Great Expectations

Welcome (back) To Daily TurnON Blog!

Hello, everyone! As you might have noticed if you frequent Daily TurnON Blog, we took a two week break starting at the beginning of February to build up a few projects for the blog. Just so you know, we are back for good and you can look forward to the normal stream of daily material.

Hope everyone's fortnight was pleasant and we can't wait to jump back into the swing of things.

We'd also like to send out a special congratulations to the two UCSB parties that were recognized in this year's SBIFF 10-10-10 competition this year. All of the films were astonishing, especially considering they were put together in the span of 10 days.

Three Paragraph Stories: Mary, Broken

We haven't yet hosted a three paragraph horror (unless you count the story of Job as one) so here is a very dark three paragraph story.

It took a lot to set Mary off. So when she woke up in her boyfriend's cramp bed and threw off the scratchy covers to check the time just to find out she was late for work, she was overall quite collected despite a mild headache. She tugged on her pants and pet her boyfriend's cat which purred in her hands. Then she pulled on her shoes and jostled downstairs to her car. At work her boss griped at her for arriving twenty minutes late. There was nothing Mary could do but nurse her temples and hope her headache would go away. She spent the day answering telephones as consumers called in to complain about their computer software until they realized their computers weren't plugged in to begin with. And she kept answering phones, tapping away at her sticky keyboard.The lights flickered and cast a disgusting light upon her wilting salad, but Mary maintained, holding the cold dressing against her forehead. And then a piece of paper arrived on her desk which would change everything. The paper was a completely normal report, normal font, normal size page, nothing was outside the ordinary except when Mary lifted the post-it that read "Read Me" on it, there was another, a completely unnecessary and wasted, post-it. And inexplicably, for reasons that will forever be unknown, Mary's headache went away. And she snapped.


She walked out of the office building with a keyboard drenched in red. The office guard followed the trail of crimson while screaming into his walkie talkie until he spotted Mary about to enter her car. He grabbed her shoulder and she spun around, digging her heel deep into this thigh. She dragged him down near the bottom of her car and before he could relieve his shock, she slammed the car door against his neck with such force that his entire body went limp. She climbed in and drove off without any destination in mind. After about three minutes of speeding down a street, she stopped and entered a liquor store, grabbing a bottle of wine and bludgeoning the cashier until she couldn't block the door anymore. Mary then tried uncorking the wine with her teeth and that didn't work, she smashed it against a brick wall and continued to sip at the jagged neck until she got back to her boyfriend's place. She sat down on his couch waiting for him to return and occupied her time thinking about how she was starving. Then she heard a purring sound from beneath the sofa.


When the trail of blood ended, splashes of wine lead police to Mary's boyfriend's apartment. They kicked down his door to find Mary chewing at a leg. She hissed at them and threw both the leg and the now empty bottle of wine at the police. They dodged the attack and followed Mary into the kitchen where she grabbed a knife and raced at the police who were forced to defend themselves. Mary fell to the floor with a sick grin on her face and she spent her last breath hissing at the officers. Her eyes went dark, darker than before at least, and Mary's arms stretched out across the floor. It took a lot to set Mary off, and no one will ever understand what made her break that day.

Terribly Told Videos Extended!

Hello, everyone! Due to... life, we are going to extend the deadline for the Terribly Told video contest to Feb. 15th

If you're confused about what we're talking about, be sure to visit:

http://dailyturnonblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/terribly-told-video-competition.html

Poetic Waste Wednesday: Summer Rain

Summer Rain

Pitter patter goes the rain
Onto my roof shingles
Drippy drop through the cracks
Splish sploshing down the walls
Plippity plot onto my floor
Aaaaand there goes my insurance money

Terribly Told Stories: Lost Puppy

Sorry to bring down the mood dudes but here's a terribly told story about a puppy.

Monday Movies: Dance, Singh!

Maninderpal "Manny" Singh (Shahrukh Khan) is your average Sikh culinary student. Manny goes to school, he plays cricket, and most importantly, he does not dance. But when the cutest girl at his university Mayree "Mary" Mangeshkar (Preeti Zinta) makes it to CCTV's "Best Dance Duo", Singh decides to put down his spatula and really heat things up. But Manny realizes he is in deeper than he thinks when he runs across Mary's father, the mafia boss Mohinderpratap Mangeshkar (Salman Khan), or as he is known in his crime circle, "Daddy Tapdat". Along side his estranged twin brother (Shahrukh Khan), Manny must stop Daddy Tapdat from turning the Best Dance Duo stage into a hostage situation and save Mary from her criminal father.

With a hit soundtrack from Oscar-winning composer A. R. Rahman, this film's contemporary cinematography, fast action and phat beatz will keep you on your feet all the way to the discos. You know what they say, if you can't handle the heat, get off the dance floor.

Sunday Funnies: Young At Heart

We've fixed our uploading issues and to celebrate, here's a fresh Motha Cuttas comic!

Saturday Sound: Whatever You Like

Sorry for the late Saturday Sound, everyone! Here is a cover of Anya Marina's cover of T.I.'s Whatever You Like. Enjoy!

Top Five Friday: Goodbye, Conan

As we're sure many of you know, after two decades of work with NBC, Conan O'Brien left the network due to some messy rescheduling issues. In reaction to this, this week's Top Five Friday was going to titled "Five Other NBC Shows that Jay Leno is Going to Try to Take Over". But as Conan was leaving, he delivered a farewell speech that spoke out against cynicism. Inspired by this, we deleted the old list and instead are saying goodbye to Conan by changing the list from a negative jab to a positive memory of O'Brien's work with NBC. So, after much delay, here's a list of five NBC shows Conan should have been a part of before leaving the network.

1.Chuck



Conan O'Brien joins the whimsical cast of Chuck as tech expert Dennis Lapman, the plucky head of Buy More who offers Chuck a promotion. As the season progresses, the protagonist is gutted between working for the CIA or keeping his tech job until Dennis reveals himself as an evil conspirator. Anything to get Conan in an eye patch.

2.The Apprentice



There's not too much to say here except: replace Donald Trump with Conan O'Brien without trying to make the switch too obvious.


3.Early Today



Conan would up the spice on the Early Today show by fitting segments of the masturbating bear and Pimpbot5000. The morning crowd may not be ready for his lanky antics but it'd sure wake them up.



4.Heroes



There is no choice but to cast O'Brien as Visor, a blood thirsty villain within the Heroes universe. Dressed in an ominous black sweatshirt and dark sunglasses, Visor would be shrouded in both mystery and cloth until the season finale when he would shed his clothes and blind the entire Bennet family. Visor would soon become an obsession for Sylar due to his inability to absorb Visor's power. Every time Sylar would try to cut his head open, his eyes would melt due to the pale power of Visor's forehead. NBC would then follow up the "Save the Cheerleader" and "Are You On The List" ad campaign with "Now You See Him, Now You Can't See". And then Conan would play Spock in the remake of the J.J. Abrams classic.


5.VeggieTales




And finally, the Tonight Show host would reach out to the real youth of America by lending his voice to COCO-nut, an offbeat and oddly named shallot that hangs out with the gang on their biblical adventurings. From the Ark to the battle with Goliath, COCO-nut would constantly break the fourth wall with witty remarks. The Parents Television Council would still complain about the lack of religious content but NBC would see a spike in stoner ratings.

Thank you for years of excellent late night entertainment, Conan.

Three Paragraph Thursdays: If It Isn't The Dogs, It's The People

Here's a three paragraph story to get you to the end of your week. Enjoy

If It Isn't The Dogs, It's The People

Margaret screamed for her life as she slammed the steel fence door behind and clutched her mailbag. Cold rain splashed onto her face as she sucked at the moist air, trying to slow her heartbeat. She lowered herself onto the wet cement and rested her back against the fence. The dog pounced onto the other side of the feeble wire wall and snarled loudly at her, trying to bite through the fence at Margaret's large neck. Puffs of heated breath pushed Margaret's sloppy hair onto her red face. As the dog continued to chew and bark, Margaret lowered her face into her hands and wept.
Everyday was like this. If it wasn't the dogs, it was the people. The teenagers would yip about how Margaret was huffing up and down the hilly neighborhood. The adults would look down at Margaret from their second stories, watching her cautiously as she placed their grocery coupons in the mail boxes. Then they'd close their curtains and howl menacingly about how she was losing her ankles. The old people would stand at their porches in the shade and snap and spit at Margaret for not lifting up her "chubby cheeks" to give them a smile. Margaret was the product of a country ashamed and embarrassed by its size so it had to make fun of others. And as the dog pounded its head into the fence, Margaret felt it. The anger and anguish, always from the other side of the fence. She kept crying.
But the sound of rhythmic splashing slowly crept into Margaret's ears. She looked up at a toddler in bright yellow boots making his way down the grey sidewalk. It took him a few minutes but he got to Margaret and looked down. The child was young and fresh looking aside from a small river running from his nose to his mouth, which pooled at a large chocolate chip cookie. He smiled and waved at Margaret who wiped the tears from her eyes and found herself smiling back. He pulled out another cookie from his pocket and held it out to Margaret. She laughed slightly and graciously accepted the gift. Then the name "Timothy" bellowed out from a nearby house and the boy continued to skip down the cement for a few feet until he arrived home. He turned back, waved goodbye to Margaret and disappeared. Margaret pocketed the cookie and pulled herself up. The clouds began to part as Margaret adjusted her mailbag. She looked at the dog just as it was about to bark at her once more and she barked back "DOWN!". It cowered against the grass and Margaret went on her way, humming to herself.

(a late) Poetic Waste Wednesday: Other Poets

Sorry for the delay, we promise it was worth the wait.

Other Poets

Other poets use words and rhyme
And rhythm and meter
All the time
As if the page was their theatre
They utilize words
To make them sound grand
To give them wings like birds
Well give them a hand
Well I'm not like other scribes
I'm quite unique


Because I end my stanzas half way through a rhyme scheme